Lebanese Cowgirl

Letting Go

2009-04-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a long term.

By entering medical school, I thought I swallowed my happy sugar pill that was at the end of a long road.

What is happiness?

As I walked from the study hall near my dormitory, my dear Lebanese friend sticks his head out from a window to taunt me like he always does about my nerdy study habits..

I'm stressed. There is so much information to learn and so little time.

When will I be satisfied?

Life is not a long road to the sugar pill...

What is your sugar pill?

Getting a residency?

Finding a wife/husband?

Making 6 figures?

You will spend your whole life chasing after that sugar pill and realize that you never lived a happy life.

As of today, I will no longer chase sugar pills.

As of today, nothing will permanently be mine.

A Fitting Quote for First Term Med Students

2009-03-07T17:32:00.001-08:00

Rome was not built in one day.

Sugar Baby!!

2009-02-21T10:02:00.001-08:00

So what happens after we devour our Valentine's Day Chocolate?

First, Glucose (sugar molecule) gets converted into Glucose-6-phosphate (G6P) by an enzyme called hexokinase (in liver, the enzyme is called glucokinase), a highly regulated enzyme. Afterwards, G6P gets isomerized into Fructose 6 Phosphate (F6P) by an enzyme called phosphofructokinase (PFK1), which is another highly regulated enzyme. F6P then gets cut in half into two products: DHAP and G3P by an enzyme called aldolase. DHAP then transformes into G3P. So now we have 2 G3P. The 2 G3P both become phosphorylated to become 1,3 bisphophogylcerate (1,3 BPG) by an enzyme called G3P dehydrogenase, which uses 1 inorganic phosphate per G3P and produces 1 NADH per G3P. Now we have 2 1,3BPG. This is where oxidative phosphorylation occurs, where 1 phosphate gets plucked off 1,3 BPG by phosphoglycerate kinase, yielding 3PG. This yields 1 ATP per 1,3BPG. Now, our bodies then change the 3PG to 2PG by phophoglyceromutase. 2PG then gets reduced to phosphoenolpyruvate (PEP) by enolase. Finally, the PEP becomes pyruvate by the third highly regulated enzyme, pyruvate kinase. The conversion of PEP to pyruvate also yields ATP.

The 3 highly regulated enzymes in this reaction are:

hexokinase (glucokinase in liver)

phosphofructokinase (PFK)

pyruvate kinase

These enzymes not only facilitate irreversible reactions but are also key sites for control of the glycolytic pathway.

It boggles my mind that an act as simple as eating a candy bar can elicit so many metabolic reactions without us consciously knowing.

Hungry?

2009-02-20T18:27:00.000-08:00

Bioethics

2009-02-14T13:47:00.001-08:00

Physicians have a duty to only certify that which they have personally verified.

2009-02-11T15:06:00.000-08:00

My happiness cannot depend on the weather, environment, or people. If I let these factors dictate how I feel, I will never be in control of my happiness or my life.

Gah!!

2009-02-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

I am exhaustified and have no one to bitch to..and here you are..

So, I'm a bit overwhelmed...I feel like there is too much studying and not enough hours to complete everything....

it's funny how 1 week makes you feel SO behind

Yes, I'm in Med School!

2009-02-01T17:00:00.000-08:00

So, a lot of things have happened since my last LAME entry.

1: I left Texas.

2. I started med school!!

So, med school is a lot of work...I love it!

Tomorrow will begin my 3rd week and we will be learning all sorts of exciting stuff such as the introduction to metabolism, bioenergetics, structures of the arm, and histology of bone and muscle. I don't get much sleep these days, but I don't feel it.

Going to this medical school is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

On Finance

2009-01-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

6.2% of my salary goes to Social Security taxes and 1.45% to Medicare taxes. My former employer also paid the same amount for me. By 2017, the government will be paying more benefits than it collects in taxes and in 2041 the SS Trust Fund will be delinquent.

So what does that mean?

I must invest and save my money properly. Most importantly, I must differentiate between what is an asset and a liability. In simple terms, an asset is anything that puts money in your pocket (stocks, bonds, real estate, intellectual property) and a liability is anything that does not.

By continuously investing in more assets than liabilities, I will begin laying the foundation of a secure financial future.

you and me

2009-01-10T21:07:00.001-08:00

Mi Vida Es Como Un Canción

2008-12-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

Ella despidió a su amor

el partió en un barco en el muelle de San Blas

El juró que volvería y empapada en llanto

Ella juró que esperaría

Miles de lunas pasaron

y siempre ella estaba en el muelle,

esperando

Muchas tardes se anidaron

En su pelo y en sus labios

Llevaba el mismo vestido

y por si el volviera no se fuera a equivocar

Los cangrejos le mordían sus ropajes, su tristeza y su illusión

y el tiempo se escurrió

y sus ojos se llenaron de amaneceres

y del mar se enamoró

y su cuerpo se enraizó en el muelle

Sola, sola en el olvido

Sola, sola con su esperitu

Sola, sola con su amor el mar

Sola, en el muelle de San Blas

Su cabello se blanqueó

pero ningún barco a su amor le devolvía

y en el pueblo le decían

le decían la loca del muelle de San Blas

y una tarde de abril

la intentaron trasiadar al manicomio

nadie la pudo arrancar

y del mar nunca jamás la separaron

Sola, sola en olvido

Sola, sola con su esperitu

Sola, sol con su amor la mar

Sola, en el muelle de San Blas

Sola, sola se quedó

--Maná

Forgiveness

2008-12-17T22:26:00.000-08:00

Forgive yourself and everyone around you. When you judge others, you are the one who feels pain. Through forgiveness, all pain disappears.

-Daniel Levine

You Are What You Think

2008-12-17T22:25:00.001-08:00

You are what you think. Think it today become it tomorrow. Nothing can keep you or hurt yo uas much as the thoughts you carry in your head.

-Daniel Levine

Suspicion

2008-12-14T22:18:00.000-08:00

I was not born yesterday. I will put girls through tests to see how they will behave. I do cocaine, will you? I must sleep with you, will you?

I was not born yesterday. I will see if she is loyal. Where do I stand in her priorities? How does she responds to certain situations?

I was not born yesterday. I love myself and my belongings. Do you love me for my money?

I was not born yesterday. I will suspect betrayal from every human until they prove to me otherwise.

Destiny

2008-12-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

You can look and you will find it.

You can not look and you will find it.

That which is yours will surely come to you.

-Daniel Levine (Zen Cards)

Remedio Chino en el Canción de Manu Chau

2008-12-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

No todo lo que es oro brilla.

Patience

2008-12-09T21:57:00.000-08:00

Watch water drop onto the rock beneath it. One drop does nothing, but many drops over time create a whole in the rock-such is the power of patience.

-Daniel Levine (Zen Cards)

Why I Do What I Do

2008-12-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

Because when I turn 60, I want to look back at my life and feel that I have accomplished something extraordinary.

A Lesson found in Taoism

2008-12-07T14:08:00.000-08:00

Prosperity is not what you have attained, but rather in what you have given away, for it is only when you become empty that you can be filled with something greater.

History Just Made

2008-11-04T22:40:00.000-08:00

This evening, I sat in my Arlington home with my friends and family as I witnessed history being made: Barack Obama will be America's first black President.

John McCain delivered his teary-eyed concession speech in Arizona to what I observed to be a mostly white audience who vociferously booed when he congratulated Obama. Afterwards, Obama's acceptance speech was made in Chicago to an audience that reflects our America-an America of all generations and races . Interestingly, the Chicago crowd, which constituted about 125,000 people, reacted much differently to Obama's reference to McCain. They began to cheer when Obama mentioned him. I found that so very striking and reflective of the sense of good will that Obama and his followers have for his former running mate.

By far, this historical night reinforces the belief that in America, any dream is possible to fulfill.

Sunday Reflections

2008-11-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

As the summer greens blossom to reds--I wonder what color you have become.

Is it Gray with sadness?

Yellowy optimistic?

Red with anger?

or Whitely numb?

Or maybe you've absorbed all the colors and become burned black.

Joe Biden

2008-11-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

You can't call yourself a maverick when all you've ever been is a sidekick.

Favorite Excerpts from The Alchemist

2008-10-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

"It is we who nourish the Soul of the World, and the world we live in will be better or worse, depending on whether we become better or worse. And that's where the power of love comes in. Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are."

"Your eyes show the strength of your soul," answered the alchemist.

"But my heart is agitated," the boy said. "It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it's become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I'm thinking about her."

"Well that's good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say."

"Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place."

¡¡Mas despacio por favor!!

2008-10-18T23:11:00.001-07:00

Estoy aprendiendo español con Coffee Break Spanish!

Es muy fantastico!!!!

Sunday Reflection

2008-10-18T23:04:00.000-07:00

Alas, we find ourselves on top of the mountain asking for more.

FINALLY!

2008-10-12T22:40:00.001-07:00

Moma, I'm gonna be a doctor and make you proud!

Question of the Day

2008-10-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

Can you simultaneously love and hate a person?

An Epiphany

2008-10-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, a revelation hit me so hard that I found myself in an eternal bliss of happiness.

No longer will I long for better days, because every minute of my life will be enjoyed. Whether I am in the midst of doing things I relish-reading, jogging, visiting museums, going out with friends, drinking (yes, I am drinking now), playing tennis, traveling, or doing things I dread-interviewing, studying, filling out applications, organizing paperwork, cleaning, work correspondence-I will do EVERYTHING with a genuine happiness because gone are the days where I will long for moments of my life to pass by quickly and no longer will I live in a dream of false anticipations.

No longer will I long for someone to make me happy because I am so happy. I have never loved myself as much as I do today-today marks the beginning of a Zanzounita who knows how beautiful life is and will not take it for granted. Today marks the beginning of a revelation-I have never been so happy in my life---and for the first time ever, the happiness came from within.

Life's Simple Pleasure #9

2008-09-26T05:06:00.000-07:00

Endorphins.

2008-09-23T01:35:00.000-07:00

teeth of ivory bites regret into shallow skins of silk made of a spider's woven net catching all but the one true as the endless depths of eyes pierce bodies now carved from marble as the sly cat smiles at your empty life, you wonder what the fuck you've been doing all this time and the smoke clears and it's too late, for you were lost in a field of maize, crushed lost loves and passive hate, silent screams inside plea for help, but no one can hear the old woman in bed for her sons have long forgotten and remember wealth, for when you craw into the coffin, it cushions well for the bumpy trip that we will take to hell

Life's Simple Pleasure #8

2008-09-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

My new kick-ass MacBook!

Vladimir Putin

2008-09-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

Fools are lucky, we work day and night.

I Friggin' Love My Life

2008-09-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how great I have it.

Life's Simple Pleasure #7

2008-09-13T00:28:00.000-07:00

My mother's warm hug.

2008-09-11T23:16:00.001-07:00

Attitude is everything.

Zexy

2008-09-09T23:36:00.001-07:00

If a woman sleeps with a man, she leaves him with nothing else to conquer.

It Would be Cooler if You Would...

2008-09-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

Growing up in the United States is not easy. There is a lot of pressure to fit in and succumb to peer pressure. Having sex, partying all night long, clubbing, and drinking are common social activities across the nation and shorelines...

The temptations to seek instant sexual gratification is all around, especially if a woman happens to be beautiful.

Today, I am grateful for having the ability and discipline to draw my own boundaries that define who I am.

One Day..

2008-09-09T20:45:00.001-07:00

I would like to visit Lake Como.

Today I am...

2008-09-09T20:42:00.001-07:00

ENERGETIC!!!!!

In the Lab

2008-09-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

As I am running an experiment, my lab mate looks seriously at me and asks,

"Do these paper towels look stupid? I need to buy paper towels, what do you think of these?"

Babe, you are one lucky person if that's what you are worried about now!!!

In the Lab

2008-09-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

After 2 post docs forget to add a standard secondary antibody to western blots...

"What are you guys thinking? You are POSTDOCS!"--says my PI

In the Lab Part I

2008-09-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

So, finally, I have survived the biggest lab screw ups in history.

Over the past months, I have been struggling to "think like a scientist," multitask, remember, and really, really focus.

Now that it is in the past, I can laugh about it and reminisce about the "old days"

Here are some "funny" things that have happened over the course of my new lab job..

1. I overheated 6 liters worth of bacteria in a shaker overnight by overlooking the settings on the shaker.

2. Added 1000x more BME to cells and had to survive the terrible fumes that ensued.

3. Setting a plastic beaker filled with alcohol on fire- had to run and pour water on it and my experiment.

4. Eluting my DNA into waste during the final step of purification/extraction.

5. Breaking 2 glass beakers that had 2 liters worth of bacterial growth.

6. Being sprayed with bacteria-missed my eye, but got into my hair.

7. Mixing samples-classic one.

8. Overgrowing bacteria to a dense state.

9. Missing a step in protein purification-lost days worth of work--I wanted to throw myself out the window (that's why the uni. doesn't have openable windows hehe)

10. Overheating enzymes to the point where they become inefficient.

4 Ways to Become a Stronger Woman

2008-09-09T20:19:00.001-07:00

1. Do something that scares you every day.

-Fear gives you wisdom and makes you work harder than you imagined you could.

2. Keep a record of tips and inspirational quotes.

3. Stay curious.

4. Pledge to show up in your life as yourself, not as an imitation of anyone else.

-Ideas derived from Fitness magazine

Dostoevsky

2008-08-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, before a word has been spoken.

Life's Simple Pleasure #6

2008-08-04T20:08:00.001-07:00

Hearing my nephew speak Arabic.

Observation

2008-08-04T19:59:00.000-07:00

Dallas dolls fish for men who wear big hats but don't own any cattle.

You can understand a man's motivation by the questions he asks

2008-08-04T19:55:00.001-07:00

Does he ask about quantitative or qualitative details?

For example,
"What is the color of your horse?" versus "How many horses do you have?"

¿Dónde Estás Corazon?

2008-08-03T21:29:00.000-07:00

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I wish you were here with me tonight.

I am the Future

2008-08-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I had an image of myself.

I would be able to write fancy cursive and type super fast on my laptop..

I dreamed that I would be a beautiful lady, who often times stayed up late at night in her bed, with tossled hair, working on "important" papers

Today, I remembered my dream and realized that I am living it.

It is not as glamorous as I had imagined it to be, but nevertheless, I am the future.

in my head

2008-03-21T21:01:00.000-07:00

partly cloudy today with a chance of rain, did you use the DH5 alpha cells?, what deductible has to be met?, cylcing starts at 8:15, remember the fundamental equations for wavelengths, ten sheep swimming in a pool wearing suits that look really cool, those proteins turned out to be salt, no chicago, 75 north not south, south, not north, we really like you but..,tabouli please, granite, travertine, marble, i'm sorry i missed your birthday, i really am, she just wants to be treated like a healthy person, did you add the right reagents?, i'm lonely, white chocolate mocha, extra hot, no whip, do you have a minute, yes, the traininng, more trainings, go with off white, you look good in white, especially with the black eyeliner, i eat a lot, missed gym, no time, worry some, he doesn't deserve you, nobody cares, i don't have time, not enough time, look straight ahead, now where was i?

Interview

2008-03-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

Nurse: Do you smoke?
Me: no
Nurse: Do you drink?
Me: no
Nurse: (looks up at me as if i'm an alien) Are you sexually active?
Me: no
Nurse: Some guy will be real lucky to have you
Me: thanks

Je suis maladeeeee

2008-03-16T22:14:00.000-07:00

I am sick. Ugh!

Eye Awakening

2008-03-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

The man I thought I knew and loved was a creation of my imagination.

He never existed.

Question of the Day

2008-02-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

Am I infringing on my pet turtle's right to live freely?

Destiny

2008-02-15T14:23:00.000-08:00

"a mixture of our efforts and God's will," Dr. S said to me on the phone. Never rush to work, because you will pass the same prizes on the path. Enjoy the path and rely on the Almighty for the the events we cannot control. He had one interview, a weak letter of recommendation and is a successful cardiologist. Have faith, have faith, have faith....

A in Amore is for Alleles

2008-02-03T18:28:00.000-08:00

Every time a female chooses a male based on a trait, she perpetuates that allele that caused her to makes that choice and allows a male with a particular phenotype to perpetuate his allele.

With this in mind, the following are some phenotypes that female humans may consider when choosing a mate:

1) Personality-funny, witty, courageous, determined, sensitive, understanding, poetic, and intuitive

2) Appearance-tall, clear skin, proportionate body portions, hair on head, large eyes, endowed in private areas, straight teeth

3) Intelligence-conversations with deep subject matter, problem-solving abilities, and analytical skills

Disclaimer: Although these are some "ideal" traits, other less desirable traits are passed on. Females who are unable to acquire these traits for her offspring (for various reasons such as no mating skills, naivety, appearance, and/or career woman) will mate with men who express detrimental alleles, which continue to pollute our gene pool.

A Year Later

2008-02-01T23:20:00.000-08:00

I miss him.

some days are worse than others

2007-02-20T21:53:00.000-08:00

picked up the phone far too many times...

WTF???

2007-02-06T20:29:00.000-08:00

Jaundice, a yellowing of the skin, is found in 60% of newborn babies. It is caused by elevated levels of bilirubin, which is a byproduct of dead red blood cells. It only costs $1 to test newborns for bilirubin levels. A good reason to test the 60% of newborns with yellow skin is that it could possibly lead to kernicterus, brain damage that will affect the baby for the rest of his/her life.

What upsets me is that the American Association of Pediatrics fails to take jaundice seriously, stating that they do not want to exhibit an "alarmist" approach to such a rare possibility of brain damage. Although about 40 of the 4 million babies born annually in the U.S. are affected with kernicterus, these 40 babies could have had a chance to live a normal lifestyle. Instead, they are inflicted with cerebral palsy (permanent brain damage) and lack the ability to live independently.

Cal, a 12-year old boy with kernicterus once told his mom, "When I grow up, I want to be the best daddy in the world-but if I have a baby, I'm afraid I'll drop it."

A prospective indicator of brain damage is a compelling reason to be a bit alarmist, no matter how "rare" this occurence is.

Angelfire, 2007: Record Snowfall!!! Yeeehaw!

2007-02-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

Life's Simple Pleasure #5

2007-01-29T22:53:00.000-08:00

WARM LAUNDRY AND THE SMELL OF LAUNDRY DETERGENT

Stupid Girl

2007-01-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

She was smiling, thinking everyone liked her.

If only she knew the twisted things that run through their heads.

Why, why WHY??

2007-01-28T14:42:00.000-08:00

Why do humans have the need to feel important?

Life's Simple Pleasure #4

2007-01-28T14:40:00.001-08:00

Normalizing an awkward situation.

Happy...Again

2007-01-28T14:24:00.000-08:00

wanna put my tender heart in a blender

2007-01-24T21:59:00.000-08:00

Eve 6

Life's Simple Pleasure #3

2007-01-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

Basking in loneliness.

For some reason, this makes me really sad

2007-01-24T21:49:00.000-08:00

Setting: University Center, 10PM

Characters: Two 'nerdy' boys.

Boy 1: "You weigh maybe 140?"

Boy 2: "No, I don't, but thank you for saying that, it really boasts my confidence level."

Raje3 Yit3amar Libnan

2007-01-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

That song used to be such an inspiration about hopes to start my life in Lebanon...

When their is such deep division in such a diverse country, I ask myself:

"How the hell can this issue be resolved?"

Do the southern Lebanese really believe that their actions will lead to fruitful results?

Will smashing vehicles, polluting the environment, and shuting down the country help them achieve their goals?

Why doesn't Nasrallah go out in the street and help them destroy Lebanon?

They proclaim themselves to be Muslims, but their behaviour is far from Quranic doctrine.

Lets brace ourselves and see what's yet to come.

if i died

2007-01-18T23:44:00.000-08:00

would anyone notice that i was gone?

Encounter

2007-01-16T21:42:00.000-08:00

It was a frigid day and my shoulders were burning from the heavy books I carried from the parking lot across the bridge. I noticed him near the corner of the large fountain. He held his silver metal stick, trying to get a feel to where he was. He was lost.

"Excuse me," I said. He turned immediately at me with those shiny blue sports sunglasses.

"Can I help you find a place?"

As we walked, I learned that he was looking for the other fountain on campus. The sound of the metal stick tapping against the concrete sounded vaguely familiar. As we headed to the fountain that lead to the bridge that led to his dorm, he almost ran into a tree, shrubs, and stairs.

He was strikingly handsome.

"What's your name?," I asked.

"Jesus," he extended his hand. I shook it and replied, "I'm Zeina."

Our walk ended and I wished I could've walked more with him.

There are some people you meet who do not say one word to you but influence you in ways unimaginable.

I wonder if he got home safely.

Aint Boy Crazy No Mo

2007-01-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

As of January 1st, I shall abstain from men in any form or fashion.

Exception to this declaration is extended to but not limited by long-time, established male friends and/or classmates.

I am doing this to cleanse myself of my recent (adolescent-present year) preoccupation with the beloved opposite gender.

I feel in control, impowered, and liberated.

My goal will be one year, let's see how it will go!

Mission: Possible

2007-01-13T16:01:00.000-08:00

Life's Simple Pleasure #2

2007-01-12T22:04:00.000-08:00

Crawing into a warm bed.

Dear X,

2007-01-12T00:09:00.000-08:00

After our talk, I realized that your view of women is as antiquated as cavemen running around firecamps. Your comments such as, "Our women don't...(fill in blank here)" proves that you are a mysogistic bastard who deserves to dwell in a bottom-less pit of hell.

As much as I would like to say that I hate you, I won't. You are influenced by your environment, wealthy men who run around the city with their tongues dragging behind them, their minds fixed in a trance of lust.It may also be your father, who always treated your mother as sub-human, yelling at her, sometimes even striking her, for simple things like not heating the food right. You don't know this, but she (a woman) is the one who keeps your family together.

Maybe one day you will rub off the goo in your eyes and see that a woman's autonomy is necessary for a properly functioning child, that child is you.

Thank You

2007-01-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

For showing me early on that you are not the man for me.

To Africa? or Not to Africa? that is the question

2007-01-07T01:35:00.000-08:00

My feelings and compassion towards women with fistula continues to burn and the voice resonates inside me..."Go, Zeina, go to Niger"

My itnerary is here, the ticket is payed for, my vaccines are prepared....

and I will decline the trip tomorrow.

I have come to realize that dreams come with dangerous realities...

The risks outweigh the benefits ...I hope I am making the right decision.

Disappointment is up to my nose.

2007-01-05T15:26:00.000-08:00

beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervour, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind.

and when the drums of war reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded with patriotism, will offer up all the rights unto the leader, and gladly so.

For all those late nights, all those early mornings, and sore necks...

2006-12-23T22:25:00.000-08:00

you are my sweetest downfall

2006-12-22T19:25:00.000-08:00

Another Blogging Break

2006-09-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

Be back in a couple of months!

Almost Done

2006-09-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

Lebanese Government?

2006-09-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants to be the leader, but not enough followers.

Never Ending Road

2006-09-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

The Pain Reflected in this Song

2006-09-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

I didn’t mean it when I said
I didn’t love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should have let you go
I didn’t know nothing,
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself.....
I couldn’t have fathomed
I would ever be without your love
Never imagined I’d be sitting
Here beside myself
Guess I didn’t know you
Guess I didn’t know me
But I thought I knew everything
I NEVER FELLLLLLLLLT

The feeling that I’m feeling
Now that I don’t hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don’t have a choice
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To have you lying by my side
Right here cause baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please 'cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who’s gonna take your place
There ain’t nobody better
Ohhhhhhh baby baby
We belong together

I can’t sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack’s on the radio
Singing to me “If You Think You’re Lonely Now”
Wait a minute this is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial tryin’ to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
“I Only Think Of You” and it’s breakin’ my heart
I’m tryin’ to keep it together but I’m falling apart

I’m feeling all out of my element
Throwing things, crying tryin’
To figure out where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain’t even half of what I’m feeling inside
I need you, need you back in my life baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who’s gonna take your place
There ain’t nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please 'cause
We belong together
Who am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who’s gonna talk to me till the sun comes up
Who’s gonna take your place
There ain’t nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

M. Carey

5th Floor

2006-09-12T22:18:00.000-07:00

The 5th floor of our central library is reserved for quiet study.

Oftentimes, I hush those who think they are above the "complete silence" rule, other times I have asked a woman to leave and when she didn't, I had a librarian ask her to leave. In other words, don't mess with me, I am the LIBRARY QUEEN :)

Lately, I have been contemplating something: When i graduate this semester, I will dance in an indiscrimnate manner ontop of the 5th floor desks where I have spent years of studying..there will be music.....pictures will be taken.

Fistula

2006-09-09T21:49:00.001-07:00

Dr. R has the most genuine intentions. It was not until we began our dinner at the conference that she presents her video about women with fistula. As I ate Talapia with mango sauce, each bite became harder to swallow. I will do something about this...

Fistula is an injury that occurs during child labor when lack of blood supply to the bladder and vagina causes tissue to die. Basically, two of the three genital orifices become one. Without any tissue, women cannot control fecal and urine excretion. They are ostracised from their families and communities because they give off a rancid smell.

About 100,000 new cases of fistula occur each year. I am really bothered by this number..it is so easy to toss around numbers..100,000 people...something must be done.

More information about Fistula

Rafa3to Rasnah

2006-09-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

I was leaving the shopping center, when I heard her speaking Arabic, I smiled, said hello. Typical Arab exchanges where made, "Where are you from?"

I reply, "Lebanon"

She replies, "Rafa3to Rasnah" (You made us proud).

I smiled my tight smile when I disagree with a person and politely said, "Thank you"

There was so much I wanted to tell this woman. To explain to her that the Lebanese people are suffering and will continue to suffer. That a decade from now, thousands will suffer from environmentally induced cancer. That from the blood that watered the ground will blossom new fanaticism and hatred. The Lebanese government is filled with corrupt baboons, and this is an understatement.

Although pessimism will not alleviate the situation, one must agree that Arabs are extremely divided. 'Establish a business that caters to Americans, just stay away from the Arabs' is a common phrase heard amongst Arab entrepreneurs.

Personally, I find my non-Arab friends more trusting and caring than my Arab ones. This, however, is just my experience and may not reflect the behaviour of the entire Arab community.

Through It All

2006-09-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

What hurts the most, was being so close
Having so much to say, watching you walk away

Human Behavior and Complexity

2006-08-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

Whoever said man is a simple being is out of touch with reality.

We are far from simple.

Hidden agendas, thoughts, and wonderings lurk behind those eyes and it is interesting (and funny) to watch when a person is not telling the truth.

Is it ok to lie? It depends on the circumstance and if anyone gets hurt in the process. Personally, I do not care unless it harms someone.

Honey, I know he is not the father of your child, the paternity test says so!

Life's Simple Pleasure #1

2006-08-25T23:15:00.000-07:00

Coffee with friends, subject matter: men

Quand je n'arrive pas à m'exprimer

2006-08-21T23:58:00.000-07:00

Je pense bien que le monde est calculé
Je pense bien que tout est encadré
Que nos pensées sont tracées dans l'air auparavant
Et tu crois que la derniere prise
Elle a mis du temps ta douleur

Ouvre les yeux le monde change

Ah oui je sais qu'un jour
Ah oui je sais qu'un jour

Pour voir plus clair
Tu dois oublier tous les mensonges
Ah le monde change, le monde change

Soulage ton coeur, soulage ton ame
Ah le monde change

Et tu crois que la derniere prise
Elle a mis du temps ta douleur
Ta douleur, ta douleur

Demain est une autre sortie
Ca fait mal dire mais j'ai peur, j'ai peur, j'ai peur

Ah le monde change, le monde change
Soulage ton coeur, soulage ton âme
Ah le monde change, le monde change

(Thievery Corp. Le Monde)

Long Live Lebanon!

2006-08-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

After a month of unrelenting abuse from their neighbors, the Lebanese people prevailed! Today, the IDF holds its head down in shame while the Lebanese lick their wounds and seek for a better tomorrow. Today, my alarm clock wakes me to better news: Lebanese stock improved tremendously, the Lebanese were able to withstand one of the most advanced armies in the world.

Israel sought to divide and conquer, but what they did was embed a sense of nationalism that has been hammered into every Lebanese around the globe.

Learning to Read the Paper

2006-08-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

At the age of 22, I have finally learned how to read the paper. Let us take a look at, my favorite, the New York Times. (The parentheses are the stuff that should be understood from the article.)

Israel Asks U.S. to Ship Rockets With Wide Blast

By David S. Cloud

WASHINGTON, Aug. 10 — Israel has asked the Bush(mert) administration to speed delivery of short-range antipersonnel rockets armed with cluster munitions, which it could use to strike Hezbollah missile sites (or baby Ali, mommy, whoever the hell gets in the way) in Lebanon, two American officials said Thursday..

But some State Department officials have sought to delay the approval because of concerns over the likelihood of civilian casualties (Bush's approval rating has plummeted, perhaps?), and the diplomatic repercussions (everyone already hates us). The rockets, while they would be very effective against hidden missile launchers, officials say, are fired by the dozen and could be expected to cause civilian casualties if used against targets in populated areas (whoa, shocker!)...

If the shipment is approved, Israel may be told that it must be especially careful (as in 33% of your targets are kids) about firing the rockets into populated areas, the senior official said.

For You, Georgie

2006-08-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

Gandhi is right:

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?"

The Way My Coffee Cup Sees It

2006-08-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

All unhappiness and stagnation
Result from a feeling that you are
At the mercy of the world and the people in it.
But what a joy it is, what a major shift to strength and
Power, when you no longer wait around for others to favor and
Love you, for others to flatter and reward you. Reward and flatter
Yourself, favor and love yourself.

-Kira Salak

Video et Taceo

2006-07-28T21:46:00.000-07:00

Serenades of spite
Sung across shores

Sweet sleep seeks
Sadistic souls

The Rape of Lebanon

2006-07-15T09:17:00.001-07:00

A half world away,
The furrow deepening my brow
Like the furrow in the land.

I watch.

Flames consume the land
And burns my heart.

A voice from afar repeats:

We will prevail, we will prevail!

You'll Need a Kleenex

2006-06-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

I've realized that I am spending too much time in cyberspace than in bookspace...so then I got to do what I got to do.....

I am leaving the blogmunity and will be back in mid August, see y'all then.

Take Care!

Lil Birdy

2006-06-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

Little birdy in the tree,

How I long to be with thee!