I never understood religions that view sex as an act of sin. Physical contact is necessary to maintain sanity and physical health. The Shakers give a good example of the impact that complete chastity has on individuals. Shakers were prohibited to have sexual intercourse amongst each other and so had to express their needs in the form of ecstatic dancing and energetic ceremonies. Their deep devoutness caused them to shake uncontrollably, hence their name.
This is not a testimony that I agree with premarital sex. An act of love must be shared between two people who love each other so much that they formally have announced it to the world. Also, sex after marriage provides protection for both individuals. I have seen my friends who engage in acts before marriage have had a devastating impact when\the other partner decides to leave or cheat. Marriage is a commited step, besides making love is not making love unless it is with a person who you truely love.
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touch is an instinct that has been used by all living creatures for survival throughout evolution.
concerning premarital sex, i am a very strong supporter of it as long as it is a mutual agreement between two mature adults. this notion about "the girl saving herself for marriage" is so old school and should only be practiced if the girl herself wishes to do so out of her own will (would strongly disagree though, as ATC mentioned, physical contact is a crucial part for intimacy and a mature relationship without barriers). in our culture unfortunately, premarital sex is only approved of when it comes to the man of course, whereas a woman who practices that is looked down on and considered "damaged goods". that's part of our society that i consider hypocritical and I hate. and where is this leading us to? relationships built on lies and hypocricy. either one be true to one's self or better just not be at all!
atc-
if i remember right, i was told that sex in islam is encouraged between married people..so it is only considered a sin if it is done outside the bounds of marriage..
the fact that our culture puts such an emphasis on not expressing love in natural ways has caused the reverse to be true...
after visiting leb. this past summer, i noticed that the guys there are more sexually driven than the guys in my state..and i blame the society..it's similar to prohibition...if something is forbidden, then it's a psychological response to want it even more..in america, sexual freedom is everywhere so it is not focused on as much, i hope i am expressing myself right..and no need to apologize about the rambling
laila
yes there is a double standard set by cultures..but my stance remains the same, the reasons to not engage in sex before marriage (psychological, health reasons, etc.) far outweigh those that do,
but it is ok that we differ..bec. life would be boring if we all thought the same way ;)
i agree :)
The religious and cultural issues are mainstream to just about anything that is taboo. I could apply all the rationales that all of you mentioned, to alcohol consumption for example. Think about it.
This is why, the drivers of having or not having premarital sex should be examined at more than just face value. And the proof of this is that you can cite both horror and fairy tale stories about both marital and pre-marital sex (from different religions by the way). What I'm saying is, arguing for or against will result in an endless vicious circle, just like social discussions of Lebanese politics.
Its purely personal, based on your OWN values and your OWN definition of happiness. And obviously, this is evident with the disparity of opinions posted on this commentary.
Zeina, I have to disagree with you on one thing. The commonality of sex in Lebanon is not a psychological reaction to it being a taboo. Sex in Lebanon is as common and widely spread as America...so are drugs by the way... at the same magnitude. Anyhow, my view is this. Since Lebanon is such a tiny place, you notice those things more. And secondly, Lebanese society lacks individuality, and champions compliance. Combine that with a repressed economic environment, and you got the answer. Did you notice how just about every other woman is dressed in a similar way to the other? This is proof. It is unfortunate. I also think that Lebanese people in general have watched way too many Miami Vice episodes during the civil war years.
Let me ask all of you this, and I anticipate a 'for real' response:
Don't women in general like to have an experienced guy, be it in a marital on premarital thing? I've had consensus from both sides of the spectrum agreeing, that a guy's gotta know what he's doing.
Mind you, I haven't taken any side thus far.
well, beej, to start off..my post wasn't meant to persuade a viewpoint but more to express it, and I enjoy reading about other's viewpoint because it helps me see things in different perspectives..
as for your question, "don't girls like an experienced guy?"
For me, I don't care.
That is not a requirement for a person that I want to be in a relationship with. "Experience" comes with time and so it doesn't matter if he is experienced or not because he will be once he gets married. Besides, who wants a male whore anyways?
What really gets underneath my skin is when I see and experience the double standard set forth by my family and society in general.
Bottom line, I feel comfortable claiming that Arab men expect to marry a virgin even though they have been around the block a couple of times.
Yes it is hypocritical. What is even scarier are those women who sleep around, and then 'sow' themselves up in compliance. Even scarier are those who agree to engage in other sexual alternatives to preserve their virginity. Sorry for pushing the envelope on that one...I know its bloody disgusting.
I know you were expressing, and I respect that. I'm not implying anything, but by your definition, experienced guys are whores?
Someone who is experienced is not necessarily a whore.
BUT- I would question a man's integrity if he has chosen to live a promiscuous lifestyle.
ATC,
Several points I would like to make. I may have got this wrong, but I understood from your statement that porn movies are supposed to 'physically' educate men? Let me tell you that this is a false, and unfortunately widespread belief. Remember that porn stars do it for the money, not the pleasure, nor the emotion.
As for the whole experienced girl/guy question...to me its irrelevant...as long as there is a deep emotional conviction. You can't punish someone for something like that if you truly love them...that would be lame. 'I love you but sorry, you are not a virgin' that is so gay. I tend to agree with Zeina's point of view about those who lead a 'promiscuous' lifestyle.
And um as far as the insecurities are concerned, it works both ways.
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