For all those late nights, all those early mornings, and sore necks...

you are my sweetest downfall

Another Blogging Break

Be back in a couple of months!

Almost Done

Lebanese Government?

Everyone wants to be the leader, but not enough followers.

Never Ending Road

The Pain Reflected in this Song

I didn’t mean it when I said
I didn’t love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should have let you go
I didn’t know nothing,
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself.....
I couldn’t have fathomed
I would ever be without your love
Never imagined I’d be sitting
Here beside myself
Guess I didn’t know you
Guess I didn’t know me
But I thought I knew everything
I NEVER FELLLLLLLLLT

The feeling that I’m feeling
Now that I don’t hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don’t have a choice
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To have you lying by my side
Right here cause baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please 'cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who’s gonna take your place
There ain’t nobody better
Ohhhhhhh baby baby
We belong together

I can’t sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack’s on the radio
Singing to me “If You Think You’re Lonely Now”
Wait a minute this is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial tryin’ to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
“I Only Think Of You” and it’s breakin’ my heart
I’m tryin’ to keep it together but I’m falling apart

I’m feeling all out of my element
Throwing things, crying tryin’
To figure out where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain’t even half of what I’m feeling inside
I need you, need you back in my life baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who’s gonna take your place
There ain’t nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

When you left I lost a part of me
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please 'cause
We belong together
Who am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who’s gonna talk to me till the sun comes up
Who’s gonna take your place
There ain’t nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

M. Carey

5th Floor

The 5th floor of our central library is reserved for quiet study.

Oftentimes, I hush those who think they are above the "complete silence" rule, other times I have asked a woman to leave and when she didn't, I had a librarian ask her to leave. In other words, don't mess with me, I am the LIBRARY QUEEN :)

Lately, I have been contemplating something: When i graduate this semester, I will dance in an indiscrimnate manner ontop of the 5th floor desks where I have spent years of studying..there will be music.....pictures will be taken.

Fistula

Dr. R has the most genuine intentions. It was not until we began our dinner at the conference that she presents her video about women with fistula. As I ate Talapia with mango sauce, each bite became harder to swallow. I will do something about this...

Fistula is an injury that occurs during child labor when lack of blood supply to the bladder and vagina causes tissue to die. Basically, two of the three genital orifices become one. Without any tissue, women cannot control fecal and urine excretion. They are ostracised from their families and communities because they give off a rancid smell.

About 100,000 new cases of fistula occur each year. I am really bothered by this number..it is so easy to toss around numbers..100,000 people...something must be done.

More information about Fistula

Rafa3to Rasnah

I was leaving the shopping center, when I heard her speaking Arabic, I smiled, said hello. Typical Arab exchanges where made, "Where are you from?"

I reply, "Lebanon"

She replies, "Rafa3to Rasnah" (You made us proud).

I smiled my tight smile when I disagree with a person and politely said, "Thank you"

There was so much I wanted to tell this woman. To explain to her that the Lebanese people are suffering and will continue to suffer. That a decade from now, thousands will suffer from environmentally induced cancer. That from the blood that watered the ground will blossom new fanaticism and hatred. The Lebanese government is filled with corrupt baboons, and this is an understatement.

Although pessimism will not alleviate the situation, one must agree that Arabs are extremely divided. 'Establish a business that caters to Americans, just stay away from the Arabs' is a common phrase heard amongst Arab entrepreneurs.

Personally, I find my non-Arab friends more trusting and caring than my Arab ones. This, however, is just my experience and may not reflect the behaviour of the entire Arab community.

Through It All

What hurts the most, was being so close
Having so much to say, watching you walk away

Human Behavior and Complexity

Whoever said man is a simple being is out of touch with reality.

We are far from simple.

Hidden agendas, thoughts, and wonderings lurk behind those eyes and it is interesting (and funny) to watch when a person is not telling the truth.

Is it ok to lie? It depends on the circumstance and if anyone gets hurt in the process. Personally, I do not care unless it harms someone.

Honey, I know he is not the father of your child, the paternity test says so!

Life's Simple Pleasure #1

Coffee with friends, subject matter: men

Quand je n'arrive pas à m'exprimer

Je pense bien que le monde est calculé
Je pense bien que tout est encadré
Que nos pensées sont tracées dans l'air auparavant
Et tu crois que la derniere prise
Elle a mis du temps ta douleur

Ouvre les yeux le monde change

Ah oui je sais qu'un jour
Ah oui je sais qu'un jour

Pour voir plus clair
Tu dois oublier tous les mensonges
Ah le monde change, le monde change

Soulage ton coeur, soulage ton ame
Ah le monde change

Et tu crois que la derniere prise
Elle a mis du temps ta douleur
Ta douleur, ta douleur

Demain est une autre sortie
Ca fait mal dire mais j'ai peur, j'ai peur, j'ai peur

Ah le monde change, le monde change
Soulage ton coeur, soulage ton âme
Ah le monde change, le monde change

(Thievery Corp. Le Monde)

Long Live Lebanon!

After a month of unrelenting abuse from their neighbors, the Lebanese people prevailed! Today, the IDF holds its head down in shame while the Lebanese lick their wounds and seek for a better tomorrow. Today, my alarm clock wakes me to better news: Lebanese stock improved tremendously, the Lebanese were able to withstand one of the most advanced armies in the world.

Israel sought to divide and conquer, but what they did was embed a sense of nationalism that has been hammered into every Lebanese around the globe.

Learning to Read the Paper

At the age of 22, I have finally learned how to read the paper. Let us take a look at, my favorite, the New York Times. (The parentheses are the stuff that should be understood from the article.)

Israel Asks U.S. to Ship Rockets With Wide Blast

By David S. Cloud

WASHINGTON, Aug. 10 — Israel has asked the Bush(mert) administration to speed delivery of short-range antipersonnel rockets armed with cluster munitions, which it could use to strike Hezbollah missile sites (or baby Ali, mommy, whoever the hell gets in the way) in Lebanon, two American officials said Thursday..

But some State Department officials have sought to delay the approval because of concerns over the likelihood of civilian casualties (Bush's approval rating has plummeted, perhaps?), and the diplomatic repercussions (everyone already hates us). The rockets, while they would be very effective against hidden missile launchers, officials say, are fired by the dozen and could be expected to cause civilian casualties if used against targets in populated areas (whoa, shocker!)...

If the shipment is approved, Israel may be told that it must be especially careful (as in 33% of your targets are kids) about firing the rockets into populated areas, the senior official said.

For You, Georgie

Gandhi is right:

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?"

The Way My Coffee Cup Sees It

All unhappiness and stagnation
Result from a feeling that you are
At the mercy of the world and the people in it.
But what a joy it is, what a major shift to strength and
Power, when you no longer wait around for others to favor and
Love you, for others to flatter and reward you. Reward and flatter
Yourself, favor and love yourself.

-Kira Salak

Video et Taceo

Serenades of spite
Sung across shores

Sweet sleep seeks
Sadistic souls

The Rape of Lebanon

A half world away,
The furrow deepening my brow
Like the furrow in the land.

I watch.

Flames consume the land
And burns my heart.

A voice from afar repeats:

We will prevail, we will prevail!

You'll Need a Kleenex

I've realized that I am spending too much time in cyberspace than in bookspace...so then I got to do what I got to do.....

I am leaving the blogmunity and will be back in mid August, see y'all then.

Take Care!

Lil Birdy

Little birdy in the tree,

How I long to be with thee!

Mein Kompf

You know what? I was going to write about how my life is seriously sucking right now. I was going to boohoo to you about how I have been betrayed. I even thought of a lovely story about how I stood up for what was right and lost supposed 'friends'.

No, no, I won't do that.

At the end of the day, I have some dignity to look in the mirror and sleep well at night. I am going to bust my ass and try my best to get this test under my belt..then, my career will have some meaning to it....when I reach my goal, I CAN actually do something about what I read in the paper.. I will add my LITTLE BRICK to the big building...

I don't live in Darfur, nor Iraq, nor Kashmir.... All this fussing about my books, my test, my loneliness, mean nothing..as I type on my nice laptop in an air conditioned study room, there are people living through HELL..who have to witness atrocities and don't even have the means to do anything about it....

I am going to suck it up and push myself like I have never done before, then I can at least say that I did my best.

Verbatim

"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 lb. perch in my lake."

George W. Bush answering a German newspaper reporter who asked him to name the best moment of his five years as President.

Time Magazine May 2006

Law of Probability and My Messy Room

I don't like to share this with many, but only between you and me.

I like things tidy and neat. As I was folding yet another shirt today, I asked myself, "Why is it, that it is easier to dirty a room than to clean it?"

Because, my dear, we are victims of a law of probability. You see, there are more chances, more places, more spaces for something to be outside of its place, than the small likelihood that it would be in its right place.

The world is increasing in entropy (randomness) and I must learn to live with it!

Heavy Sigh

Okay, so I high-jacked this off 'his' web space. I doubt he would mind, considering:

A) I am the person he his referring to.
B) He took my idea.
C) He doesn't know about this blog ;)
D) It made me feel so good that I had to share.

...And then came the day where my sense of perception shifted to some new level ... even though I was playing the song for the first time, I could swear i was anticipating like every word in it, there were even times when i let myself play on some of the words ... OK, maybe a lot of them. They weren't just expressive enough, you see ... To this point, I must at least got you wondering what was so catchy about this song. Was it the singer, the writer, the producer maybe . I tell you it was a listener, the listener ... a listener who once said that she looks so much like the girl in the song, and I believe without the least doubt that there is no way something so heavenly would be described with earthly words, but to my mind it added another piece to a beautiful puzzle i have been putting together for quite some time. Could you imagine a talking Charlie Chaplin with a dolby surround, a Monaliza giving you the blink, a 3D Tom&Jerry, I say it had the same effect ... I finally got the perfect stimuli to blow some soul into that still masterpiece hanging on the back of my head... Learn the words, boys and girls, I might need you in the chorus for my next big party ;)

Are you a nurse?

I respect nurses, I really do. The world needs nurses as much as we need doctors, technicians, etc.

However, if another person asks me if I am a nurse, I am going to say something really, really, really mean.

Long distance relationships and Newton's Law

So this summer is the 'make it or break it' into med. school. So I whimpered 'no' to an offer to visit Lebanon in hopes of concentrating on the lovely test that I adore oh so much.

I am waisting time, guiltily, but amusingt myself with the correlation that I see with the physical sciences and relationships...for example:

All objects have some sort of attraction to each other...we exert an attractive force on Earth and it does the same to us...only the Earth's mass is much larger than ours, so our force is negligible. The farther two objects get from each other, the less the attractive force...

And that brings me to us, humans, the father we seperate from each other...the harder it is to maintain that attractive force...those who are in long distance relationships are at a disadvantage than their nearby counterparts...thank God for globalization!

Let's Get Off Our High Horse!

Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad advance to open communication with the U.S. is an invitation that the U.S. should accept. Opposition of diplomacy with Iran stems from fear that it will hinder international community involvement. Some believe that by speaking to Iran, the U.S. is contradicting its claim that this regime is 'evil'. Because we, the U.S., have branded this country as such, talking to them will show volatility to our enemies and friends, but that is a shifty foundation for a weak argument.

The benefits to diplomacy far outweigh throwing down the gauntlet. First and foremost, we do not have the resources for another burdening war. We have already spent over $100 billion on Iraq. Also, we cannot prove to the international community the justification of military action unless we have used all possible political maneuvering. The belief that by speaking to the enemy, we are endorsing their ideology is nonsensical. The U.S. has communicated with Iran not too long ago during the onset of the war on terror. So why can't we talk once again?

Interesting

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Cannot Be Said Better

I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple,

pray in your church.

For you and I are sons of one religion,

and it is the spirit.

Gibran Khalil Gibran

Ode to Heart Ache

In my eyes, you will never see
The torment and agony

Laugh and giggle,
Pretending to be
A woman who is not me

If I were to show you inside
It would be an utter surprise

But, you see, I put on a good show
For you never really did know.

Yet I

agony
fear
lust
hate
anxious
overwhelmed

The World's Oldest Profession

Prostitutition is a legal profession in Germany. In fact, prostitutes not only get health care benefits, but also pay taxes as well. Unfortunately, competition from eastern European women who offer their services at a cheaper rate are deflating the price of 'love'.

Native prostitutes are now changing careers to be elderly caregivers. Other prostitutes in the country will not give up their avocation, claiming, "No way, I am making too much money here to switch careers."

Consequently, the upcoming World Cup is a lucrative event for these scarlet women, a chance to cash in on their trade.

No comment.

Recant

After my fellow bloggers brought to my attention Albright's statement about the concessions the U.S. is willing to make regarding the killing of half a million civillian lives in Iraq, I have decided to take back my statement.

Madelein Albright, I no longer heart you!

Discipline

Although most people believe that it is what you do that defines you..lately I am realizing that it is the things I don't do that define me.

I Heart Madeleine Albright

I like her.

Not only because I liked the way she handled herself in the interview (i.e. very direct, good eye contact) but also two statements:

1. She not only openly expresses her concern about our country's place in the international arena, but also has the guts to tell our President to his face.

2. She says, "There is a special place in hell for women who do not help each other."

Bedeh Beirut

I wish I could click my heels and be in my country.

Delete

Hey Zeina!

This is X. I am calling you because I desperately need you...remember? I only call you whenever you are of use.

Call me back!

Saterday is spelt Saturday

Sorry for any inconveniences this may have caused :)

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

When she frowns, a cloud is cast upon our skies.

Saterday Recollections

There comes a point in a woman's life where the empty overtures of men, the abundant flowers, and sunshine of the world are equated with horseshit.

One is quick to state, "What an insolent and unworthy girl! She has the world at her feet and she still asks for more."

What is at your feet? Ultimate happiness for you may be a thing I dread.

My happiness will no longer be dependent on others.

If I depend on another person's wanton mood then how will I live my life?

My whole life, I sought the approval of family, friends, and the community.

There is a realization that I am living a life like a marionette and my master is the worries of "what will people think?".

Snip the strings that tie you before it is too late!

Are you stalking me?

Texas summer heat is here and the swealtering sun showed no remorse as I ran my errands on campus. The university landscape has improved tremendously since my freshman year. As I was walking to a review session, a violist in the music balcony was serenading me with her homework and I relish the two minutes before I had to imprison myself in another lecture. I passed by a good friend, who happened to run into me twice already...his reaction is: Are u stalking me? Because that would be great. I answer, "Today must be your lucky day!"

I am unsure if this is a Texan reaction (when you see someone repeatedly throughout the day) or if it is common in other cultures....but it is used often on our campus

This brings me to another afternoon coffee break with a good friend of mine, let's call her M. I am going to write more about M in the near future..but for now, M and I have been friends for years and she has showed me a view of this world that I would never have seen. I admire and consequently envy her. This envy is not the type of ill will that most people associate with envy but it is the healthy type that encourages you to work to have qualities like that person.

Today, she told me something that I would never have known about her. She, too, saw qualities in me that she also wish she had.

I never thought that she felt the same way about me. In ways, I wanted to be like her and she wanted to be like me. This type of yearning may be perceived as a type of negative emulation where we all try to have a homogenous character. I disagree. I see it as a natural yearning to exhibit qualties that we sense we lack. We all strive to be wanted and liked, so we want to exhibit qualities like intelligence, humour, and beauty to make us appealing to others.

My dad always tells me to surround myself with people whom I can learn from. These friends have shaped me into the person I am today.

When summer comes, I am going to attribute posts to those who have shaped me and also give an interesting biography of their lives...

Only In America

Guess what folks?

Today, I got paid $120 cash for giving my opinion. I swear. I am on a list and meet the criteria. I was fed, watered, paid, and asked to criticize and judge...I'd like to see this happen in Lebanon.

Only in America

Patience My Friend

You will have the world at your feet if you learn to be patient.

'But I am Lebanese, isn't there a hookup?'

Huh.

My parents were right all along.

Rude Awakening

Every word that comes out of your mouth must be censored, for you never know who you will piss off.

-ZA

Our Need To Touch

I never understood religions that view sex as an act of sin. Physical contact is necessary to maintain sanity and physical health. The Shakers give a good example of the impact that complete chastity has on individuals. Shakers were prohibited to have sexual intercourse amongst each other and so had to express their needs in the form of ecstatic dancing and energetic ceremonies. Their deep devoutness caused them to shake uncontrollably, hence their name.

This is not a testimony that I agree with premarital sex. An act of love must be shared between two people who love each other so much that they formally have announced it to the world. Also, sex after marriage provides protection for both individuals. I have seen my friends who engage in acts before marriage have had a devastating impact when\the other partner decides to leave or cheat. Marriage is a commited step, besides making love is not making love unless it is with a person who you truely love.

Venetian Glass

As one who sails upon a wide, broken sea
Far out of land, his mind intent up on the sailing of his little boat.
On tightening ropes and shaping fair his course,

Hears suddenly, across the endless sea.
The rhythm striking of some towered clock.
And wakes from thoughtless idleness to time;
Time; the slow pulse which beats eternity!

So through the vacancy of busy life.
At intervals you cross my path and bring
The deep solemnity of passing years.
For you I have shed bitter tears, for you
I have relinquished that for which my heart cried
In selfish longing.

And to-night, having just left you, I can say"

"Tis well, Thank God I have known a soul so true,
so nobly just, so worthy to be loved."

-Amy Lowell

Typing this out helps sooth the pain.

everything will all fall into place, you just don't know it yet

Zeina is HAPPY

so, guess what? i thought i couldn't do it and i did! i did! i did! hallelujah!!!!!!!!

here it is, my defined ends:


TATTAGGTCAGTCAATAAGTTTTGTCGTTTTTTCTCAATTTTGATTTTTT CTTAGATATT
TTTTTGTGGTTATATAGAAGACTGTTAGTAATGACAAGCCCAACAATATCAGCCATATCG
GACTACTCCCAGATATTTTAAATCTCAGAACTGTGATGACGAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTC
GATTTTTTTTATTTTTTGGCGAAATGAAAAACTTTATATGCCCTGATGTATTAGACAGTT
AGTTGAATAAAAATCTGCAGTTAAAGCCCCATGCATAGCTTTTTGGTGGCGCTACACTCA
TTAAAATGACCAAAAATGCTTGCAAAAATGATTTTTTAAACTTTGAAGGACGCTAACTTC
CGCAACGTGCAAGATACAAAAAAGTAATCAATTACAACATTAATAAGCACATCAAGAGCT
ACATTTTATCAGTATACTACTTGTTTCTATCTTCACCCGCTGCTAAGTTACAGTCAGTTG
AAACAAGCCAAGTCCAAGTTTCAATAAACACCCTTTTTCCAGATTTTCGCCGGTAACTCC
AAAACCAGTTGTTTTCCGAAATTTTTGTCAACAGATTAAATAATCACTTTTTAATTTTAC
ACATTTTCGTAGTTGAAACTTTTGTCATATCTTAAGTGTTGGAAAAGATATCAGACAATT
AAGCGAACTCGTCCAAATTTGTAAAAAATTTCAAAAATCATCGTGAAAAAATTTCGAAAA
AAAAATTTTCAGAGAAAAAGGCCTAAACATTTTTGAAAATGAATAAGTAACTTTTAACTA
AAACTTTGCATATACTTTCATTGGTCAGCTTTACTTTTGTGGAGAGAAAAACAGAACTTT
GGAGGATTTTTCCATTTTTAAAAAACTACGCAAATTTTTTTCTTTGATGATTAATATTTT
TGCAAAAACCTTAGATATAACAAAAGTTTCAACTACAAAAATGTGTAAAATTAAAAAGTG
ATTATTTCATCTGTTGACAAAAATTTCGGCAAACAACTGGTTTTGGAGTTACAGGCGAAA
ATCTGGAAAAAATGTGTATATTAAAATTTAAAATTTGCTTAATTCAAATAAATTTTACTA
AATATTGAGTAAATATAAAAAAAAAAAGAAAATTTAAAAAATTTATAATTAATGTGCTTA
TTAATGTTGTAATTTATTACTTTTTTGTATCTTGCACATTGCGGAAGTTAGCGTCCTTCA
AAGTTTAAAAAATCATTTTTGCAAGCATTTTTGACAACTTAAACGAATATAGCGCCACCA
AAAAGCCATGCATGAAGCTTTAACTGCAGATTTTTATTCAACTAACTGTCTAATACATCA
GGGCATATAAACTTTTTCATTTCGCCAAAAAATAAAAAAAAACGAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT
TTCGTCATCACAGTTCTGACATTTAAAATATCT4GGAAGTAGTCCGATATGGCTGATATTG
TTGGGCTTGTCATTACTAACAGTCTTCTATATAACCACAAAAAAATATCTAAG AAAAAAT
CAAAACTGAGAAAAAACGACAAAACTTATTGACTGACCTAATA

Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

World's Perfection

I was peeling a tangerine today and was wondering how this item came to be. One can think of it as a magic act of God which deserves merit because something so perfect cannot be an accident. The other side is thinking about the DNA mechanism of the plant that made this fruit. The way the fruit is partitioned off into slices, the thin layer of skin protecting the fruit, and the ridges that define its overall structure..

then I thought, I am really eating an ovary of a plant...going even further..smelling a flower is really just smelling a plant's genitals, i just had to say it *blush*

Overachievers Inc.

It's spring break in A-town...spent the day at the library..it's funny, the only people there were foreign students...LOOSEN UP PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Rambling

I was sitting at a coffee shop and saw these girls all dolled up with their pointy heels, curly hair, and stylish handbags...to me, they looked a bit gaudy....

it is nice to look stylish, and I don't mind looking presentable to people, you know, clean and put together,...but it is when people go above and beyond with material objects such as cars, diamonds, and designer clothing that I start to cringe and think to myself of a quote from the Holy Quran:

The material things which ye are given are the conveniences of life and the glitter thereof, but that which is with God is far better and more enduring. Will ye not then be wise??

Something occured to me today, If I base my identity on mere objects, what will happen if I lose them...it is better to base yourself on intangible things.

I am not a religious person, and am just a mere student who has so much learning to do.

Have you looked up lately?

After the planetarium opening at the university, I have a newfound fascination with the stars and planets that loom above our heads.

It is the most amazing sight...a black sky with specks of diamonds thrown up everywhere...in Texas, I can see Mars so clearly...it is the "star" that looks red next to the moon.

When I feel like being inspired, I walk outside and look up.

It makes you feel insignificant yet significant, if that makes any sense.

Have you looked up lately?

After the planetarium opening at the university, I have a newfound fascination with the stars and planets that loom above our heads.

It is the most amazing sight...a black sky with specks of diamonds thrown up everywhere...in Texas, I can see Mars so clearly...it is the "star" that looks red next to the moon.

When I feel like being inspired, I walk outside and look up.

It makes you feel insignificant yet significant, if that makes any sense.

Lady Fate

Lady fate does not want me to do my research work today....I am locked out of my lab..and when I try to hop on the system from home, I learn that I don't have Microsoft office on my new laptop...

*sigh*

Je ne peux pas dormir...

So I am sitting here, waiting to sleep...but I can't..so, here I am.

There is this woman I see occasionally...an African woman who wears colorful headscarfs...today I learned that she used to be a fighter pilot for a country....my motif this year seems like a recurring theme of appearances vs. reality..because by looking at this woman, you would think she was a meager housewife, yet her life was and probably still is different than I had imagined it...

I was talked into going into the clinic tomorrow, we have 80 patients to see....that's craziness...but someone's got to do it..I think I'll wear my Nike's

Another Day

And yet I find myself repeating my weeks over and over again..

I can tell you how my day will be tomorrow, how it was yesterday, and how it will be next week...

This monotonous life eating away at my bones..

Is this it? I will get into med school, spend hours and hours studying, then get into a fellowship, work at a hospital, get married, have kids and then die.

Sounds fantastic.

Ethics, Fear, and the Like

Michael Gelb says in his book about the world's greatest geniuses:

The search for morality should be the of the upmost importance in our lives, even if it makes us feel uncomfortable.

One day, it would be nice to break from the chains of comfort and experience new feelings...
but we all have fears.

Going a bit further....I begin to ask myself, "What would I do if I had no fear????"

I am Blessed

I am so blessed with so much.

My family and friends are the greatest blessings that I have.

Hamdulilah :)

The below post was a response for an MCAT question...I thought what better way to express my views and drilling on these difficult questions than on my blog..

Questions/Comments/Concerns would be appreciated :)

In a free and open society, censorship of the press can never be justified

In order for a society to claim to be open and free, this statement suggests that the press must have unlimited freedom to disseminate information or opinions to the public.

Censorship comes in forms ranging from purposeful exclusion of information to imprisonment of those who choose to voice their concerns or opinions that contradict common ideology.

A free society should allow its press to express ideas, concerns, or information to the public. A country that silences its citizens' right to speak freely is not a free society because it strips away the fundamental right to free speech. Take, for example, Venezuela where the press has been under constant scrutiny by President Hugo Chavez. Anyone who voices criticism of the government can be sentenced to imprisonment for up to 20 months.

On the other hand, there are times when a free society should limit the press when national security is at risk. Under this umbrella, laws should be enforced to prevent disclosure of undercover CIA operatives. The exposure of these workers will not only put them in harms way, but will also botch U.S. efforts to protect its citizens.

The deciding factor that justifies press censorship is whether or not national security is at risk.

Is it just me, or am I the only one to find this HILARIOUS

Dick Cheney, our Vice President..shoots a man...a 78 year old man....in the face

The last time that has happened in history was when Vice President Aaran Burr shot Alexander Hamilton in a duel.

The only difference is that back then, it was for reasons of honor, integrity, and political prowress...but now it is because Cheney was duck hunting...now that, is funny!

(idea from the Daily Show)

He's Just Not that Into You

Ok, so throughout this book, the saying in the title is said over and over and over

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOUUUUUUUUUUU


ah hah! Quite refreshing....like cherry limonade

The Deception of the Outside Cover

Yesterday, I received news that an old classmate of mine committed suicide. He had called my cousin a week before, asking her why she had not visited him at his work. Then a week later, he shot himself in the head with a gun.

He was a really handsome guy, an all-American blue eyed, blond hair social type...the type you would think would not have ended his life so early.

Life can be trying to say the least..I have had my share of rough days where all I want to do is crawl in a little hole and wait until everything blows over...

If only he hung in there he would have realized that what doesn't kill you really makes you stronger.

May God show mercy on him and all of us.

After all these years..

After years of attempting to have nice handwriting, today i haved decided to just let go!

One more thing...

Just to clarify....

Scene: university biostatistics class
Time: 9am
Who: me, a friend sitting in the front row seats

out of nowhere:

Guy A: "Would you like old copies of Zoology tests?"

Me: "Uhhh...I am not taking Zoology."

Friend next to me: "Zeina, say yes, say yes, I want those tests.."

Point: Why does guy I don't know want to help me out?

Question of the Week: Is man inheritantly good?

One day I will address this question.

Bluttering

If you were to fail, wouldn't it be better than always wondering, "What if?"

So it's 1am on a Saturday night...I just got home from an unexpected Valentine's party where I tried, for the first time, strawberry chocolate fondue..let's just say it was lovely and keep it at that..

Excuse me, yes I am a little scatter brained....why do I have to conform to conciseness all the time?

I would rather be criticized than complimented....tonight, I felt irritated by some compliment...sincere or not, I wonder what his/her motive is...lately, it just feels like so many people are trying to flatter me...OK, i know what you're thinking, but if only you knew...it's just, well, mundane..

Beauty. There are some girls who are so sweet and nice on the inside, but guess what? THEY AIN'T GETTIN' ANY...you know why? Because they don't fit the image of beauty....

That's another thing, if I was trapped in a big girl's body...would I still have guys complimenting me, holding doors open, smiling, offering me school books, free tutoring, free coffee, lessons, ...yadda yadda yadda...??

drumroll please: NOPE

Because we, yes you looking at the computer screen, and me, and anyone you know are all victims/prepetrators of enjoying to look at something/one beautiful..

that's not a crime

I just wonder if the nice girl's I met will also have their chance at love

Is the physical that important? No. Because I have come across some beautiful people in my day, and guess what? After spending one hour with them, I would rather take a stroll on hot coal...good night

The Irony of Love

But you made of me
A dream thing
That you pleased yourself
By worshipping

You looked at my face
And never knew
What in my heart
I asked of you

And so I said,
"It is only a game
To give to a dream
A face and a name

While the woman I am
And the man you are
Are as far apart
As star and star."

By: Louise Driscoll

The Irony of Love

Gotta be More than This

Fill my coffee cup and head out the door.

I am gonna take my chances for what I am looking for...

I have got some things to do before I die..



Well, I intended to write something insightful but instead, I am sitting eating my raspberry dressing salad with the Grammy's on.

Then this song came up and it fit right into what I wanted to say.

Please, just shoot me now

I can't take it anymore! That's it. Ce n'est pas possible. Khalas. Ich habe kopf schmerzven. Arrete! Stoppppppp....


One more day of learning Spanish with the fools will just kill me.

Sonnet 27

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed.
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head,
To work my mind, when body's work's expired;
For then my thoughts from far where I abide,
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see:
Save that my soul's imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new.
Lo, thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee and myself no quiet find.

-Shakespeare

Time Waits for Noone

This is absolutely ridiculous, time is racing by, taking no heed to anyone but itself.

I had another interesting day at the clinic. One of my patients was on drugs and I am almost certain that his urine sample was diluted with water.

My new research project is actually interesting. Although it is not benchwork, which is what I enjoy most, it involve verifying a new program that searches and identifies genes in our genome...this will be a handy tool to use when looking at unmined genomes such as the dog genome, which has recently been updated.

Anywho, MCAT is approaching soon, and all I can say is that it is going to be an uneventful semester indeed.

Teta

My grandmother is in the hospital. She has been at bedrest for fourteen years and last night, I found out that she has a severe infection. She has a bedsore that is about 3x3 inches wide and 2 inches deep. The nurse that visits her knew about this for 4 damn weeks....and I wonder if Teta was given proper treatment.

Everytime I look into her murky eyes, I feel deep sorrow and helplessness. I knew things could have been better for her.

I do not know my grandma, nor my grandpa....on either parents' side....how pathetic

Abu-Abed

Abu Abed khalas shoghlo wa ija 3al bait wa la7a Em Abed a3dah 3al takhat bala tyab.

Abu Abed sa7alah, "Lash ma labsa tyab ya Em Abed?".

Aleet, "Walah ya Abu Abed, ma 3anda tyab!"

"Shoo, ma 3andeek tyab?!?! Ta3a la hon." Wa akhada 3alal khzaneh.

"Layka---hay fastan, hay fastan, hay fastan, hay fastan, marhaba jar, hay fastan, hay fastan....."

Trust Thyself, Every Heart Beats to that Iron String

If there is any piece of literature that I would recommend to anyone, written words that strike me in ways unimaginable, thoughts so provoking that it continues to inspire me since a decade ago.

This is a 20 page essay called Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

The essay has some points that I agree and disagree with, however. What I really enjoy about this particular work is what the message is:

imitation is suicide and we have to break free from what society wants to make us, to believe in ourselves, and maintain our identities, which is a constant struggle for a Lebanese in the West

I am sure it happense to all of us. We always immediately get asked, where are you from? What is your religion? What is your's (or your dad's) occupation?

People who ask me these kind of questions trigger something in my brain: they are looking for a way to identify me, box me up in one sentence. Sum me up in a few words.

Well, that is not going to happen.

Anywho, I am digressing. What I wanted to talk about was why you, yes you, should read this essay.

It is easier in this world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude, says Mr. Emerson.

He gives examples, for example, have you ever wanted to answer a question but were hesitant to say something infront of everyone and be wrong.? Then, the person next to you says the answer in your head and you are forced to give him/her the credit of the idea that you thought of first. That happened/s to me all the time.

Also, one more thing about consistency. Emerson has taught me that being consistent is sometimes a good thing, but changing is ok. We sometimes fear that by changing our opinions, we fear to be viewed as capricious and fickle people. My opinion is that of Emerson's and that is the brain has nothing to do if it does not occasionally reevaluate its thoughts.

That said and done, I must go study for my beloved exam. Speaking of which, I took my first diagnostic exam today....six fun hours of test-taking excitement..ok, ok, ok I am going................

Xtreme Days

Highs and Lows

Ok, I was thinking about it: we have high points and low points in our lives.

When we are at our lowest, when we feel that absolutely noone understands us, when we feel all alone, desolate, and invisible, we forget that the situation is passing. I try hard to ask myself, "Will this be important in five years?"

Will it?

Today

Today, I will be productive.

Well...at least it will be quick

You scored as Gunshot.

Your death will be by gunshot, probably because you are some important person or whatever. Possibly a sniper, nice, quick, clean shot to the head. Just beautiful.

Gunshot
100%

Suicide
80%

Stabbed
73%

Eaten
67%

Posion
67%

Natural Causes
67%

Bomb
53%

Accident
40%

Drowning
33%

Cut Throat
33%

Disappear
27%

Suffocated
13%

Disease
0%


http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=8960

Thanks Eve!

Sensitivity in the Field of Health

Each Friday, I volunteer at a clinic that helps underserved people in my area. I take the usual vital signs and chief complaints that patients may have. My first patient was a woman whose son died of leukemia last week. She cried and cried and I all I could do to comfort her was to get her some water then prick her hand to take her blood sugar level. More and more, I am beginning to realize that patients are looking for someone who cares, who truely cares. We all want someone to care about us. It's human nature. I just wonder how much we reciprocate that feeling towards others. I vow that I will continue to be a compassionate person, to genuinely care about the welfare of others, and to continuously assess myself in my attitude towards others. Occasionally, you run into health care workers who have heard every tragedy known to man. These workers begin to see these tragedies as commonplace and a part of the circle of life. They lose the compassion and say the same phrase, "I am sorry to hear that," over and over again. It is when these workers begin to react this way that they need to take a good look in the mirror and ask themselves why they are in the profession in the first place. What goes around comes around. The way you treat people will be the same way they will treat you one day.

Grammar and Spelling Mistakes

My two new posts have some mistakes in it..I tried to edit both but it won't work.

I would be much obliged if anyone can tell me how to fix it cause it is driving me nuts!

April

Ok, the most important test of my life is in April...there is no need to panic, but my palms are clamy and cold. I am partially hyperventilating becuase I don't know sh*t and and and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Ok, must focus, here is what a dear friend of mine read to me last night, which gives me some serenity:

Always remember the hills ahead are never as steep as they seem, so with faith in your heart, start upward and climb until you reach your dream, for faith is a mover of mountains-there is nothing that you cannot achieve if you have the courage to try it and then have the faith to believe.

66th Anniversary

I baked cookies for my friends who celebrate Christmas not too long ago. I sat and visitid with them and they told me that there anniversary is on Christmas day. Guess how long they have been married???

SIXTY SIX YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

That's so breathtaking to me...I was thinking, I have known my parents (since birth until now) for 22 years. Multiply that by three and you get this couple's commitment to each other.

You know what else? One can tell that this couple genuinely love each other-the kind of love only found in the movies or fairy tales. The way the talk about how they first met feels like it was yesterday. They knew each other since elementary school age. They both moved away and then returned to their homes for the summer. It was during the summer that they knew things were "different".

They are so beautiful, so understanding and so enjoyable.

I pray to God that I will meet someone to share my life with.